I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
