There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
