ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.