You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
