in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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