One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
