Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just forgot I was standing up.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
