In the future we'll all be gay
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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