i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he was CRYING into my vagina
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
