All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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