My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
