u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
