He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
