You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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