I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
