He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
