So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
