So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
