You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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