That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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