Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
