I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
