Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
