My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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