we have pet lesbian snakes
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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