If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
