Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
that is very illegal...i love you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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