You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
