I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
