Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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