cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
