Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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