she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i out mim tonsoeep
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