Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
