well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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