The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
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Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
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What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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