anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
