Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
