just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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