She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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