White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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