He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
