Pants 0. Shit 1.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
