Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
