I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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