Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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