just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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