someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
