No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
