made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
