There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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