I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Terrible idea I love it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
