butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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