I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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