i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
