thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
