this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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