Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
