how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
