U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
