Got a toothbrush?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
