at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
