You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
