I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
