dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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