Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
