your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
