matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
