I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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