My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
