I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
