Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
