he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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