My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
