the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
