Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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